it’s complicated

Yes. My newly established relationship is complicated; it’s volatile. We were spectacular together once…no issues, no hang ups. You and I were two peas in a pod. I needed you. Hell, I still do! But you’ve eluded me for a while now….it’s been over a year since we’ve seen eye to eye. Things have changed so drastically between us.¬†Sweet slumber, when will you come back to me for good?

Now that I’m finished being overly dramatic/poetic about it, let’s discuss something that every human needs – SLEEP. Recuperative, satiating, peaceful sleep. I feel like it’s been so long now. My relationship with sleep began to get complicated in the latter stages of pregnancy. Heartburn galore and general discomfort kept me from sleeping well. Getting up in the middle of the night starving – scarfing down food – only made matters worse. Now that I’ve had the baby things had gotten even worse. The worst. And now that we’re almost a year into this motherhood thing there have been improvements but I fear that I’ll never sleep well again. Baby boy still wakes up a few times per night needing comfort. He wakes every morning around 5 for a bottle and a change. If we’re lucky, he’ll sleep some more until 7 or 8. Our days still revolve around the delicate balancing act of caring for the bouncing baby, napping whenever possible, and juggling all of the other responsibilities of life. When we do accomplish tasks like cleaning the house or actually leaving the house altogether, we feel like champions. I can see now that I and every other person on the planet (probably) have gravely underestimated how lack of sleep can affect human lives. It infiltrates everything. When you don’t have the energy to live, you don’t. You merely survive. They don’t use sleep deprivation as a torture device for nothing, folks! Of everything that parenthood requires, this is the predominant act. It’s not the money or the patience or the altered & misshapen body; it’s the fact that you do it all, with immense love, when you feel like shit run over twice. On the daily. The exhaustion never goes away and at times you begin to question why you even married your spouse. It’s all a part of the package. Of course, it’s worth it. Is there such thing as an¬†elective induced coma? I’d like to take a teensy 48 hour nap. Half kidding. On that note, goodnight.

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